The American Pie Fantasy
Let’s face it. You are new to college and are desperately looking for a relationship. Even a short-time fling shall suffice for you now. And why won’t it? When your friend comes and tells you what an amazing day they have spent with their partners, or even the type of respect that they get, you must think that it would be phenomenal to be in a relationship with someone special. And it is the 21st century anyway - let’s not make a fuss on deciding the parameters of the relationship. Every one of you out there think about, rather fantasise, about your own life following the footsteps of the American Pie. At least the very subtle form of it.
Here is a list of possibilities that MIGHT occur if all your fantasies came true.
JIM LEVENSTEIN THEORY
The most common breed among you readers. Hard working, desperate and willing to take the risk. You dream big and needless to say, often fail in your ‘ventures’. But you have a true heart. It will surely take time but you will find that special someone and, that too, without getting publicly humiliated on a webcam. Yes, that was American Pie 1 reference.
STEVE STIFLER REFERENCE
The hotshot. If you want it, you get it. And usually no one is standing on the path to your destiny. Your mother is not included in that list, of course. But don’t take your power for granted; it comes at a price. And sometimes it is advisable to let your friends be in the spotlight. They will surely help you out with your interests if you help them out with theirs. There is no true love for you, just memories. Memories of your glory and your golden days. Don’t try to live in the past. Score in the present, you’d stay happier.
PAUL FINCH PROPAGANDA
It is hard to gulp down the truth but when people say that you are faking your character, it is advisable to listen to them. It is in your trait to incline towards an older partner but remember, you will be treading on thin ice. Real life doesn’t usually work like it’s shown in the movies. So respect your friends and what they hold dear and continue your tryst with destiny. We know that you love your friends. It is not asked of you to love their families. Keep it that way.
THE CZECHOSLOVAKIAN CONNECTION
When some exotic being pops up all of a sudden in your daily doze of gainful endeavours, things will surely get interesting. You know you are different (in a good way) and you know that there is no stopping you from being the best in what you wish to do. Not in this new place you are in. Just go with the flow and you will end up having the most memorable time of your life. People of your opposite sex die for that tan you have. Not to forget that foreign accent. Keep up the good work!
THE KEVIN-VICKY ANOMALY
You had a bad break up with your dear one and they seem to have moved on with their life as it is. You feel left behind and find solace in the past and in those sweet memories with them. This actually takes a toll on you and impairs you from making critical decisions about your life. Keep moving on. We know it hurts in love but you will find hard ground beneath, soon. Just keep hanging there.
THE SHERMANATOR APOCALYPSE
We know how badly you want to get into a relationship. But don’t fake it! Don’t ever make an issue about your fake ventures with any popular being at the college. Because we all know how it turns out in the end. And trust us, taking the easy way sure seems alluring. But it is equally destructive as well. Above all, your friends will never get to know what a nice person you are from inside. Stay true to your pursuit and you shall be successful sometime, if not now.
THE NOT-SO-SILENT GUARDIAN
We know that you love your folks. And you hold the highest honour in front of them. But get a life! Go out and have some fun. You deserve it. Not because you have helped your friends countless times. Not because you got out of your own path to save someone else. Not because you care for anyone coming to you seeking asylum. It is because you value the respect you get for your own deeds. You give up on your own dreams for your buddies, but now it is time. Take what is yours! And never leave the job upon fate.
All of us go through this ordeal of what is to be established in situations like this. But mind you, sex is not the answer. It never was. It is the question and YOU have to ponder over the answer to this so-called question.