My mom is on Facebook.
Mothers are multi-talented beings. They are our mentors, confidantes, chefs, interior-decorators, (moral and otherwise) police officers and Superwomen - among many other qualities.
They have another feather in their rather large cap(s) – They make for efficient and perseverant (and adorable) spies and secret service agents… and stalkers! (I think that cap is riddled with antennas or something.)
Unless you’re a seasoned and experienced liar, you will face walls and barriers while in the process of getting away with bluffs, with the most probable result(s) of it being an unsuccessful attempt.
Come the Virtual Age, and almost everyone joined Facebook. Parents weren’t too enthusiastic about this “trend”, as they saw it as an attack on their personal space(s), and so, most of them decided to not indulge in it.
That has changed now. Most of our parents, especially Mothers, have joined it. Why? Well, maybe, you left home (for college or work), or were acting suspicious and sneaky around the house; or simply because they wanted to reconnect with their old pals and relatives. (Their responses to our statuses and photos often point towards the former reasons!)
They will read between the lines of every status of yours, ask you about every boy/girl you ‘become friends’ with; apparently something is “always cooking”.
They will always be on a lookout for your new photos, and after looking at you, they will try deciphering its location (if it isn’t mentioned already), and god forbid if they aren’t able to; they will question you about it incessantly.
That is why most of us ask our friends to not tag us in pictures if our parents aren’t aware of our certain ‘plans’; thank god for small mercies like these helpful ‘ privacy settings’ options. Tiniest of the tiny things catch their attention, and they just HAVE to be deleted/hidden, else one has to get ready for one’s mother’s version of an interrogative roast.
Oh, it is absolutely fruitless to explain that your best friend called you a ‘bitch’ in an affectionate manner. (No Ma, we aren’t having a fight!)
You might have to post a happy picture with your friend, just to prove your point.
Let’s not even get started with photos. I don’t know why moms feel like they just HAVE to upload our baby/childhood pictures (or any other embarrassing ones, for that matter) and put captions like “Awww my koochi koo/cutie pie”. No… just. No. Oh no.
Check-ins are another scary topic. This one time, I had gone to Starbucks with my friends (and one of them checked-in on FB); my mom called me up and said, “Hi precious, how is the coffee session? Don’t forget that your exams are starting next week.”
It was cute and freaky at the same time, considering the fact that I hadn’t yet told her about my Starbucks plan. [This is why most of us ask our friends to not tag us in such posts in which we’re on a “parents shouldn’t know about it” trip(s).]
Jeez, they tend to stalk us more than we stalk our crush(es), which is saying a lot! (I love you and I know you love me too Ma, but you don’t have to stalk me!)
Like any other matter, even this has its good moments. You see a post that reminds you of your mother dearest, and you want to share it on her wall immediately; you derive happiness from her “proud mother” posts; you find it extremely adorable when she posts lovely and funny videos and articles on your wall. When Mommy writes an emotional ‘I miss you’ post on your wall, your day is made!
And, it is un-made when she asks you about the “ajeeb” posts in which your friends are tagging you. Uff.
The ‘Sharma ji’ complex makes its entry here as well! Mothers often say, “Beta, please delete that photo; what will Sharma Aunty say?”
(Sigh. Mom, it was you who forced me to accept Aunty’s friend-request! Now I have to keep the ‘log kya kahenge’ aspect in my mind in my virtual world as well.)
All in all, it’s a jumble, filled with blocks that have to be put together cautiously, to complete it in a harmonious way.
To be fair, Mothers do this just out of concern for us, so we can’t really blame them. What we can do, is “hide” certain photos (from them) on our timeline, not check-in or get tagged in any controversial check-in, limit our status and photo-viewing audience or ask our friends to not tag us in specific photos..you get the picture.
Moms shouldn’t, literally.
Why give Moms unnecessary mini heart skips, right?
So, your Mom is on Facebook? You better be extra careful, unless you want to be caught “read”-handed!