As I stand along the fringes of darkness, in between my ability to speak and to confirm, I have completely lost myself.
I have immersed my sanity into the deep imposing desires of my society.
Who am I? I am every being who has been forcefully dented and painted. I am every man who has failed his innate desire on the scale of time.
I am everyone who has ever claimed, “Astronaut. Ma’am when I grow up I want to be an astronaut.” Or the quiet one on the last bench, “I want to be an Archeologist.” I am that friend who once said, “Travelling dude, travelling is what my passion is. I am going to be a photographer for the National Geographic someday” Or the one who calmly watches Bear Grylls, while nursing his family, with a gleeful joy on his face. But he fails to nurse the immense pain and heaviness in his heart where a wildlife enthusiast dies everyday.
I am the alter ego that has been long trapped under the debris of practical hopes of parents seeking a future secured by a Microsoft and a Wipro. I am the voice of all those who failed to confirm their stand on their choice, on what they want and what they need, on whether to choose a tent or the warm clothes for winter, to live for others or to live for themselves.
I can sense my failure every time I walk out on the street; I stand witness to the commotion of a wounded civilisation, and realise that a thousand artists die everyday in this lackadaisical world. I stand there and often question myself about my existence as it is. Is it nobler to suffer and support expectations, or should I declare war on every obstruction that stands between me and my ambition. It is the most difficult to decide, and perhaps that is what makes it so valuable. Think. Ponder. Realise your demands, and give wings to your dreams. Sleep ends the heartaches and the thousand natural miseries that human beings have to endure and it's an end that we would all ardently hope for. But none of us deserves the misfortune to contemplate our lives on that final bed —
“To be or not to be: that is the question:
Whether tis nobler in the mind to suffer
The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune,
Or to take arms against a sea of troubles
And by opposing end them? To die; to sleep;
No more; and by a sleep to say we end
The heart ache and the thousand natural shocks
That flesh is heir to…” [Hamlet]
I wake up several times stretching my hands out to touch my goal, but alas! I never succeed in grasping hold of it. Yet I keep on waking up several times, hoping, for once, to find myself in the dream I have always wanted to live in.
Sketch By: Tejo Guna