I turned towards the interviewer’s table. His eyes went from one document to the other. I sat there, with some hope and some sense of optimism. The silence of the room made me uncomfortable. The interviewer kept on going through those white sheets of papers. Printed and scribbled on those ugly white sheets were some numbers, some facts which were enough to prove that I had been a complete failure as an engineering student. Enough to prove that these four years of my life had been a waste of time and some very hard earned money. And then I realised something. It was not the silence that was biting me, but it was the lack of noise. Some may argue that there is hardly a difference between the two. But for a person whose life had been a big party, all the time surrounded by a group of social animals and loud music for the past four years, the difference was crystal clear.
But the silence of the room and my crazy assessment of the situation in which I was, both were soon interrupted. “Mr. Jha, I see that your performance in academics has not been very impressive in the past four years. Well, that is the case with many of the candidates. But for me the most shocking thing was that this sheet of paper here. I don’t get it, why is this sheet of paper blank. “
I read what was written on top of that sheet. It was the company’s form in which they had asked the candidate’s credentials in co-curricular activities. “This section is blank!!! How is this possible??” I questioned myself. “Was I not a singer of a band, an actor taking part in college plays, a writer who had been actively writing blogs and articles for the college magazine?” And then, the LSD started showing its effects. These were the things I used to do in school and had planned on doing in the college. “This cannot be true. I must have done something in these past four years. Oh no… I seriously feel ashamed of myself. Even these people must be thinking I am a fucking loser. But who are these people to judge me. These people don’t know me. They don’t know what I have been through. Why am I thinking so much? STOP THINKING. Go blank.” The trip had started getting from bad to worse now.
“Mr. Jha. Would you please enlighten us?” I looked up. There were three people sitting right in front of me. What am I seeing? Who are these people? Blank sheets… are these people trying to mock me? They are trying to remind me of my incompetence. I will show them what I can do (hallucinations).
I grabbed a marker from the table and leaped towards those ugly looking creatures. I will complete my resume today. I will fill the void of these four years. I will be whatever I want. You dare not question my worth. “Mr. Jha, what are you doing? Are you out of your mind?” Now they feel the pain. “Keep scribbling” I said to myself. I did not stop. Next, all I remember was being dragged out of that place by their friends whom they had called for help. They dragged me, pulled me and pushed me out of the building.
I picked myself up and dusted my blazer. Everyone was staring at me with that look of surprise and disgust. I was the least affected by their presence. I started walking towards my home with my head bursting with anger. And then a realisation slowly dawned upon me. I was carrying a sheet of paper in my hand. I slowly opened that crumbled piece of crap. To my great surprise, it was the same blank sheet of paper.