You always end your letters by saying that you love me.
Some of my friends laugh at the emotion that this line elicits; they’re mad. They don’t know what love is, Ma.
It isn’t always about a guy and a girl.
Love is when Cleo looks and run towards me, wagging her tail like a wheel - her barks just add to my adoration for her. It is when Bhaiya never expresses, but starts to crack his knuckles when a single teardrop starts to form in my eyes; when Papa never says those three words, yet proves it day in and day out.
The enormous and endless love affair between the majestic sky and the swaying ocean is a testimony of true bond, as they create a wonderful horizon for the world to look at, and revel in its beauty.
The flowers exude their tenderness through the nectar, which they provide for the butterflies. The lioness doesn’t know how to utter the 4-letter word, but she knows her responsibility towards the baby of the baboon that she murdered.
Love has no tags, and no people. It has many and endless forms, but have you ever wondered why, Ma?
Do you remember Mishika, who underwent past-life regression? During the procedure, she saw that her cousin was actually her wife in their previous life.
Ma, it struck me then, as to why we are born into certain families, and why we hang out with a certain group of people. Love isn’t about the relationship between our physical forms. It is way beyond that, and much more.
It is about our souls.
Our souls connect with each other through mystifying channels, but try to fool us by making us think that it is actually just another humanly function of ours.
Ma, I think that I was born as your daughter due to our (constant) strong, soulful bond. I think that is also the reason behind your marriage with Papa, and Bhaiya being born into our family.
It is also the reason behind a rare occurrence that makes the world stop and stare – the eclipse, where the moon and the sun come together and create their own blazing dance, leaving us to marvel in their once-in-a-blue-moon tunes. It is so powerful and consuming in its own way.
Love … is all around us. I see it pouring out of the yummy homemade food that you cook, especially for me. I see mine being reflected through making sure that I carry all the heavy stuff, when we go to the supermarket.
Who said that love can only be restricted to marriages, or physicality?
Most importantly, who said that love can only be restricted to what the society says?
Love has innumerable forms.
When souls love and connect with each other, it is reflected in their windows; at that time, castes don’t matter, religions don’t matter…
And neither does gender, Ma.
Do you remember Aliya?
I’m in love with her, Ma. Not in the BFF way; I’m talking in the Raj-Simran way, except that she’s Aliya and I am Mahima, your baby girl. I’m not abnormal, Ma. I found the one I connect with, and fell in love with that soul. That it is in the physical form of a girl doesn’t hold of any importance to me. The society will probably condemn or disown us – I don’t care.
But, if you do the same, I will live every day dying by the second.
Actions speak louder than words, but it has always been the opposite for me, which is why I chose to come out of the closet through my words. You must be chewing the end of your specs out of nervousness. I know you, Ma.
You must be shocked – neither happy nor disappointed. It must be a cultural shock. To say that being a lesbian (relax, Ma. Don’t panic) is a “cultural shock” in itself, a rude shock in the face of humanity. But I know you, Ma.You will understand.
I shall await your reply with abated breath…
I love you, Ma. And, I love her too. Please don’t make me choose.
Bye Ma, I miss you. Take care.
- Your daughter
PS – Please reply soon.
Photography By: Ved Dubhashi