Human babies, unlike animal kids, have very few skills wired-in by birth. One of the most important of such “needs” built-in for the drooling blobs is that of reproduction. Probably just homesickness, but who knows - we’re just born hump-ready. I think the scientific term for that is..yea, horny.
Since childhood you’ve been told how important padhai is. How aiyashi is not the way to go. How life mein settle ho jaoge toh acchi ladki milegi. Lies. All lies. No one ever got turned on by an I E Irodov. Or a Prilepko. All us nerds who watched The Big Bang Theory ended up weaving dreams of landing a Penny – bad news peeps! You’re closer to Stuart than anyone else. Anyway, my point is that since time immemorial, men and women have been known to rate the opposite sex from “zero” to “omagaaaawd”. World average is “doable”, and (LOL) Indians stand at an average of “creepy stalker”. And Indians are some of the smartest dudes in the world. Google, Microsoft – you know the list.
This goes to show that while you may think that studying is important, it would seem like muscles are importanter. Yes, importanter. You didn’t study bro, obviously you think that “importanter” is a word. DUH.
A movie named “Student of the Year” was released sometime back - a movie with 18-year olds, who had six pack abs and had to dance at prom in order to be crowned homecoming king or something. Goddammit! The hell have I been doing trying read shit when I could just salsa my way to homecoming? Cruel world.
Instincts drive the male to have a distinctive mating call (or dance, or something) to woo the female in most living species - except in some spiders. Spiders are creepy, so we shall pretend they don’t count. Anyway, we’ve seen those mating calls and dances in almost all movies. “Naam toh suna hi hoga” and “ishq waala love” and shit.
I mean who needs books, right? Who needs education? Who cares if conservation of angular momentum is what prevents your motorcycle from falling, as long as you have #bae riding as a pillion? Who cares if you think you’re the center of the universe, or if Einstein’s Laser Theory is bitchin’ (get the reference?)? As long as you know the song “ek do teen chaar paanch chhe saath aath nau”, you have nailed counting. Full #swag life.
There is this new breed though. From their hipster spectacles that cover the entire face to shirts captioned “NERD”, they try to up their desirability quotient by trying to find the right balance between padhai and badhai. Unless you’re Ming-na Wen, drop it.
Even the Gita says something to the tune of “You can understand the world better with your muscles better, your biceps stronger.” That should cover convincing a large portion of our population I guess. So go out there, hit the gym! Don’t just grow a pair, grow six packs of them! Build muscles till you can; do pushups with your genitals. For we are humans, and we weren’t meant to try to figure out the mysteries of the universe, the beauty of the known, and the aura of nature. NO. Retard hai kya bc? We were meant to be physical specimen and then mate. So go out there, muscle your way to desirability and attain your calling!
PS: If you actually believed the essence of all that, you’re in need of some serious education. Idiots. Go study, nahi toh shaadi nahi hogi.
Photography By: Tanmay Kalra