You stumble upon a TV show that catches your eye and garners all your attention; you begin to watch it right from its first season (obviously), and before you know it, you’re hooked onto it, and you can’t seem to stop gushing over it. You are so enraptured by it that you don’t realise when you’ve finished viewing all the existing episodes and seasons.
The wait for the next episode/season begins – Oh, the horror! – It is emotionally exasperating, tiresome and annoying; you can’t hold your horses. In fact, you want to gallop into the future, just to end this irritating waiting period.
When the lacuna really does end, your joy knows no bounds! You’re excited, delighted, ebullient and blissful. Finally, everything seems to be just perfect.
Here I am, creating parallelisms between TV shows and …? Can you guess it?
Nope, not with the yummy dishes that you order at restaurants or dhabas, though that comparison is legit, too.
I’m talking about LDRR – Long Distance Romantic Relationship, in which the partners are geographically apart.
No, this article isn’t about how to “make it work”. No one will ever know that better than you. I’m just here to shed some light on its experience, and I can say one thing with absolute surety – it isn’t easy.
It isn’t easy and at the same time, it isn’t difficult. It all depends on the ingredients that the lovers put in while making the sweet concoction that has a distinctive flavour of their personalities and mindsets.
There will be days when all that you’ll need is to be in an embrace with your beloved, and knowing that you can’t have it will make the whole thing worse. You will have random outbursts due to your frustration, and mood-swings that will irritate you like crazy. There will be days when your favourite shoulder will not be there (physically), for you to place your head on; in turn, there will also be days when you’ll question yourself about why you would voluntarily agree to something like this. It is definitely not a walk in the park, and why should it be? You’re away from that one person with whom you share physical and emotional compatibility and intimacy; you are bound to be washed upon with waves of sadness and gloominess.
I know it is inevitable to mope around or sulk in such cases, but it isn’t meant to be the ONLY thing seen/heard/written about such relationships.
To overcome this very sadness, LDRRs often bring out the creative and mushy monster in us, by making us come up with ideas that are innovative, fun, impulsive and sometimes (or mostly) borderline crazy, or way beyond it. While the modern techniques are all about exciting Skype and telephone/mobile dates, which also help you in becoming excellent coordinators of time and space (pun intended), there is the “old-school” fad of writing love letters, and trust me; the joy of writing and receiving them cannot be underestimated!
Our inner poets/poetesses and artists are unleashed; we try to make every card/letter/email/phone call as artistic and interesting as possible.
[Metaphorically speaking, if the relationship is a campfire, then these little wood-like elements are what help in *keeping the spark alive*. ]
Yes, the wait is tough, but that moment when you lay your eyes on each other after a long time, is like an indescribable one. It’s a feeling that leaves you jubilant, content, euphoric, and there is absolutely no limit for your ecstasy! It just takes one look at your Precious to make you realise that the wait is always worth it. You thank God (and yourself) for giving you the strength for the interlude, and for the happiness of being with one another; and you concentrate on having the time of your lives (without any worries, for once) by living in that very second and moment. Life begins to be blissful, again … till it’s time for one of you to make the journey back home.
Still, the thought of being together is what keeps you strong. You are ready to brave the geographical boundaries, for each other.
[Yes, there is always a “but” for every damn thing.]
The love and happiness are often threatened by elements of jealousy, insecurity, infidelity, and miscommunication, among other aspects.
A little bit of jealousy is always healthy, but that doesn’t mean you have to bring the roof down because she/he “liked” a pretty girl/handsome boy’s photo on Facebook.
I feel that there is no room for insecurities in a LDRR, because once it has crept in, it tends to eat you up like a parasite. You will always be fearful of the worst … now that insecurities, along with the frustration of being away from each other, make an extremely lethal (in the bad way) combination. The answer lies in talking every damn thing out. If you’re feeling insecure or jealous, keeping it to yourself will only make it worse; it’s better to share it with your partner – crystal clear communication is THE main thing in a LDRR (for any relationship, actually!), because without it, everything will always be hazy and it will create a breeding ground for doubts, confrontations and unpleasant moments.
Another aspect is that of loyalty. If you aren’t going to be loyal and faithful, then forget LDRR - you aren’t meant to be in any relationship. You’re supposed to “be into flings” or FWB (or whatever suits you). There isn’t any logic behind showing an illusion-like dream to your partner if you are indulging in infidelity. LDRR can’t survive without trust. If you have all this adding to the woes of being away from each other, then it’ll only result in a big, tangled mess. No one wants that, right?
It takes quite a lot of courage, hope and love to be in this kind of a relationship, because you will always feel like the universe is using all its possible methods to keep you two away, but in the end, if it’s meant to be, it will be. The magic lies in going with the flow, with heart-brimming love and respect for each other.
At present, you cannot know if he/she is “the one”. Although you wish you could know, considering the amount of emotional energy being invested by both of you, no one can ever be certain of such things. You can never be sure of it being kind of serious/not serious/very serious.
You’ll just have to trust your instincts, reach the zenith of emotional strength, and hope for the best.
After all, nothing comes easy … you have to work for, and towards, it. At the end of the day, it’s not the distance, but the bond (hopefully as strong as FeviQuik) that matters. If you’re/have ever been in a LDRR, you would know what I’m talking about. If not, I hope I’ve at least managed to clear the misconception of it being “impossible”.
[P.S – I feel that the mantra for most LDRRs should be – keep calm, and don’t let the weight of the wait bog you down.]
[P.P.S – If you need an ‘Agony Aunt’ regarding this topic, feel free to drop in a mail or comment.]
Photography By: Sohini Palit