Listening to “Counting Stars” by One Republic, I giggle.
I feel something so right
Doing the wrong thing
I feel something so wrong
Doing the right thing
I could lie, couldn’t I, could lie
Everything that kills me makes me feel alive
How nicely the songs capture feelings!
Your brain warns you. You hear your conscious counsel you against it, but still you go ahead and give it a chance, only to feel remorse when the moment has passed or to relish the kick you get out of it. Call it the thrill of doing what you are forbidden to do or blame it on the adrenaline rush you know you will feel when the task ahead seems absolutely erroneous; inside you know it is not what you should do.
Then why do it?
Because it’s exactly what we not are supposed to do.
And you’re going to burn in hell for doing them.
Or maybe I’m not.
Ha ha! Scratch that. Back to the topic.
The kids with the strictest parents turn out to be ones who make the maximum dark decisions. Generally. Maybe. I won’t say I’m sure or that this is a proven fact, but it has helped me convince my parents to let me do those thing in which their first instinct was to say no. It takes years to perfect this bad attitude. #likeaboss
So why does that bad guy’s devilish smirk attract you so much? What draws you to the one secret single solid puff? What makes you want to refill your lethal cocktail of drinks and pills? What drives you to do all that the world frowns upon?
Come to think of it, it’s quite basic. It starts mostly with peer pressure or pure wicked inquisitiveness, builds up to feeling good (bad, somehow, always does) and before we know it, it becomes a habit. Nobody falls for weak, snivelling cretins. Accept it or not but “Good is Dumb”. But when it comes to attraction, there is no good. There is no evil. There is only power, which at times may overpower you. And then there is no turning back. It’s a vicious cycle that you’re caught in now. This intoxication often ensnares your senses and reason.
No matter how much ‘the bad’ seems right, it is bad after all.
Yes, the things feel good at the moment. But it is actually when you’re paying the consequences later on that guilt strikes. Rarely so, the bad decisions happen to be due to misinformation. And that’s when you can’t even blame yourself completely. You didn’t know! Tobacco companies had their samples sent to doctors in the 1930s to have them “physician-approved” because the world believed that smoking was actually good. So the people back then couldn’t be guilt-tripped to stop smoking. But, that is rare. Most bad choices are aware decisions. And they aren’t really harmful until they become an addiction. Well, bad decisions are fine. They teach us important life lessons. Sometimes.
But other times, they are just a whole lot of fun to experience. There’s no need to outgrow with introspection and the mundane reasoning. After all, you don’t want to end up as a wad of lifeless human dough. It’s alright to fuck up. When you were a child and you fell off your bicycle and scraped your knee, it might’ve hurt but you learned that trying to do a wheelie down your street might not be the smartest idea. So, just learn from the mess or enjoy the experience and experiments.
At times it’s good to step back a moment, to pause and then play. Be honest. There is no point in living in denial. It’s going to come back to haunt you sooner or later. For that moment it makes us think that we’re ahead of the game, that we know things other people don’t. What it really does is rob you of your power to think and make the right choices, and allow you to hide away out of fear of facing conflict.
Did you just drink another peg even though you are sure you can feel the vomit in your mouth? Did you just reply to that needy text from your ex who cheated on you? Or did you just sneak out of your house to go to that forbidden late night party? Did you? Did you? RELAX. We have all been there, done that. It’s human to have a few bugs. Go around making mistakes, saying the wrong thing, tripping over the street and dating the devil. But sometimes just weigh the consequences - play it before you do it.
While I go and light up another cigarette, let’s just shrug it and call it a part of growing up. Phases come and go, right? And this is how we’ll learn; by falling and hurting and bruising ourselves. And coughing.
Photography By: Sarthak Dubey